As wives, what do we do when we get a funny feeling about another woman? Are we just being insecure? Or do we have the right to say something?
A few years ago, a single woman came over for dinner and acted very inappropriate towards my husband. As I was making dinner and trying to engage conversation, there was no interest from her in any of my questions. However, as soon as my husband said anything, the room filled with teenage girl giggling, “you’re so funny’s” and other flirtatious notions.
There was nothing my husband said to encourage her behavior. I’ve really never known the history of space or Star Wars to be that interesting and funny (sorry Tim).
If someone is willing to shamelessly flirt with your husband while you are present, what would they do when you aren’t there? This thought kept running through my mind as I sat and watched the giggling and flattery continue throughout dinner.
Thankfully the evening was so uncomfortable, Tim and I were able to laugh about it by the end of the night. However, it did make us realize we needed to talk through safeguarding our marriage for the future.
Because let’s be honest – without clear guardrails in marriage, any single one of us can be heading down a path leading to temptation without even realizing it.
Below are seven things we can do to help safeguard our marriage against infidelity.
See something, say something. Don’t be nervous to say something if you think someone is acting inappropriate around your spouse. It’s our job to protect our spouse and our marriage. Additionally, if someone is making you uncomfortable around your spouse, talk with your spouse about boundaries that make both of you feel comfortable moving forward. If your husband is unwilling to hear your concerns or is against discussing the issue, ask him to go to a Christian Counselor with you.
Make Date Night a Priority. Regular date nights are vital to a healthy and strong marriage. They allow space for better communication, stability, intimacy and security. It’s so easy to stay home and comfortable, but getting out of your typical environment and having fun together is essential. Today, schedule a sitter or swap nights with a friend for a date night!
Know each other’s passwords.Most flirting and inappropriate behavior will not happen in front of your face. You and your spouse should know each other’s passwords. All of them. If your spouse isn’t comfortable letting you have access, this could indicate a problem.
There is also an app called Funamo, which is a great resource for couples to have access to each other’s devices. This provides additional accountability and security.
Have an “open ask” policy. If there is a situation that left either you or your husband asking questions, it is essential to welcome those questions. This policy helps you and your husband both become aware of things you might be saying to people of the opposite sex. When we accidentally say something that came out wrong or was received different than how we intended, we usually go ahead and let the other person know. (For example: Saying “That shirt looks great on you.” but meaning “I like that shirt.”)
Don’t meet with anyone of the opposite sex alone. This can be tricky in some workplace settings. However, avoid eating lunch, riding to meetings, or getting coffee with anyone of the opposite sex if at all possible.
Your loyalty is always to your spouse. If someone is flirting with you or making you feel uncomfortable, don’t let them keep doing it because you are afraid to hurt their feelings. Your loyalty goes to honoring your spouse over hurting their feelings.
Have opposite sex friendship boundaries. Things get complicated really fast when men and women who aren’t married become good friends. If you’re having a bad day, don’t talk about it with a guy from work. He might be funny, but it’s not a good boundary. Call your girlfriend or your husband. Sit down with your husband to determine what you each feel comfortable with and what you don’t feel comfortable with. This way, you’re setting your marriage up for success with guardrails and boundaries that are clear and agreed upon.
“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures” Proverbs 24:3-4