With Covid and all the chaos it has brought about over the past year and a half, the stress in our house often hits out of nowhere. The stress often reveals itself through sudden grumpies, snappiness (is that a real word), or completely shutting down and withdrawing from everyone.
Anyone else experiencing these emotions? If so, you are not alone.
These emotions can be difficult to untangle- especially when the stress isn’t coming from one pinpointed area. Rather, the stress from this ongoing pandemic seems to be hitting us in all different areas of life.
Before Covid, I had a hard time recalling any pet peeves. Now I seem to have a never ending list of things that annoy me. Our senses are heightened, we are more high strung, and the effects of exhaustion have taken several tolls on us.
The effects of this added stress is landing right in the center of our homes. It presents itself in the morning scrambling while getting kids ready for school, and in the leftovers our spouses get at the end of the day.
In order to fight against this affecting our marriage, my husband and I have started a process of openly sharing all our thoughts at the end of the day. It’s an opportunity to openly share our anxieties, annoyances, and struggles without criticism from the other person.
At the end of the day, we expect an opportunity to share ourself with no holding back, and to receive our spouse’s unfiltered thoughts without judgement.
The process looks like this:
Knee to Knee Time
For twenty minutes each night, set aside twenty minutes of uninterrupted time together. During this twenty minutes, sit facing each other with your knees touching. I know this sounds cheesy, but just trust me. Something about physically touching helps to open up, and to receive your spouse’s concerns.
Don’t Be Defensive
There’s one rule. You cannot be defensive. Each of you share what’s bothering you without interruption from the other. Then switch. This will be hard, because you will want to explain yourself. Rather than jumping to explain, listen to how your spouse feels affected by things
Make a Plan Together
Once you have both shared everything that’s on your mind, work together to make a plan to If you need to share your perspective on any situation your husband feels bothered by, this is the time to share. Work together to set clear and fair expectations of one another.
Give It Some Time
This will not be a quick fix, but rather an ongoing process. After trying your agreed upon plan, you might find it needs continuous tweaking. This is why it’s important to have knee to knee time each night for at least two weeks. This will allow opportunities for expected communication and feedback.
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